What Happens Now?
by mochachill
Summary: Buffy comes back.


What Happens Now?  
  
Author: C.J.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing: Buffy/Spike  
  
Summary: Buffy comes back.  
  
Author's note: My first Buffyverse fic. Bit of a drabble. Haven't decided whether to continue it or let it stand as is.   
  
****  
  
He was supposed to wait for me.   
  
But not even vampires can promise forever. I knew that, which is why I wasn't really surprised when I got to L.A. and he told me the truth.  
  
She came back to him, and he is happy. Angel has everything he ever wanted…well, almost everything. She gives him what I could never give him. Complete love. Love that belongs only to him.  
  
There's no one else in her heart. But there is in mine.   
  
Dawn and I haven't stopped moving long enough to make a place of our own, so it's nice to be with friends again, in a real home. There's been so much to do. We decided to see the world. I wanted to show her, and I wanted to show me. My whole life I was going to be stuck in a dinky California town—a hellhole, literally.   
  
Now I can spend a month in Italy if I want to. I can tan on the beach or drink sangria until I'm loopy.  
  
Giles gave us some money for the traveling, but mostly we stayed in hostels, and worked when we needed to. I can't describe the feeling of taking a waitressing job in Naples, knowing that I could stay as long as I wanted. No one is waiting for me to come and save them.   
  
I still do slaying, of course. It's in my blood. But I'm not the only one, not anymore.   
  
Sometimes we'll meet up with Xander or Willow and Kennedy. But mostly it's just me and Dawn…the only constants in our lives. I know that I should be making a home for her. Teenagers need security, right? But, God, I've been relishing this freedom, and I think Dawn has, too.  
  
I said that Dawn was the only constant in my life, didn't I? Well, that's not totally true.   
  
The dreams come almost every night.  
  
***  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
The darkness of the Sunnydale cemetery should be intimidating, but it's only a comfort. She has an eerie feeling that she's missed this place. Weird. She's here every night, isn't she?  
  
She sits on a monument, feet swinging in the air. Just now, she realizes she's been waiting for him. She starts to turn, but instead feels him slip up to sit behind her. He pulls her back between his legs and wraps his arms around her. A familiar scent—cologne, cigarettes, and leather—envelopes her.  
  
His body is cool against her back, but somehow, it warms her.   
  
"You shouldn't be here, pet."  
  
She snorts. "Why not? I'm always here."  
  
"Are you?" He sounds amused.  
  
"Yep. And I've been waiting for you." She allows mild irritation to creep into her voice.   
  
He takes her hair into his hands, running his fingers through it. She tips her head back and sighs with pleasure.  
  
"No, luv, I've been waiting for you, for a long time."  
  
"Right, Spike. Why didn't you just come find me then? It's not that hard; you know where I live."  
  
He laughs. The derisive sound makes her turn in his arms. For the first time, she faces him. "What's so funny?"  
  
"You don't know where you live; how could I?" His eyes are sad. He touches her cheek, looking over her face as if committing it to memory.   
  
She rolls her eyes. "I'm not even going to try to figure out what that means." Instead, she leans into him, tucking her head under his chin. Softly, she whispers, "I'm glad you're here."  
  
He leans back enough that she is forced to sit up and face him. As soon as their eyes meet, he catches her mouth with his. The kiss is intoxicating; by the time he breaks it off, she is on fire and humming with need.   
  
"Burns hot with us, Slayer."  
  
"I'm not the Slayer, anymore. I'm just a Slayer." It's a silly thing to say, but she suddenly needs time for composure.   
  
He shakes his head. His hands are stroking her body, and she responds in kind. "Still have to be in control."  
  
"That's me. Controlly Cathy."   
  
Spike tilts his head to the side, grinning. "Well, then what should I call you?"   
  
"I dunno, you're the one with a whole library of weird, English pet names. How 'bout... Crumpet?" Mild irritation is starting to show through, as she thought it would. As soon as it does, she gives in. "Buffy," she says, serious now. "My favorite has always been Buffy."  
  
He looks back at her and smiles. "Buffy it is then."  
  
She has the uncanny feeling that she's given something away. Didn't she hear something once--probably from Willow--about some culture that horded their names, fearing they would lose a piece of themselves if they told? The thought barely touches her mind and she pushes it away. It doesn't matter, because she suddenly feels free. Free and safe.   
  
Spike is watching her. "What are you thinking?" he inquires.  
  
Instead of answering, Buffy twines her fingers in his. She leans in and kisses him, their breath mingling. She sinks into him, wrapping herself in his body. Everything is salt and warmth and heat and...pain flashes, her lips scorching and she jerks back. "What...?"  
  
Spike gently releases her fingers as she stares, horrified, into his smoldering face. "Sun's coming up," he says casually.  
  
A glance over his shoulder reveals a pink sliver just peeking over the horizon. "What?! No, it's too soon...it can't be that late."  
  
She isn't sure why she's arguing pointlessly. She leaps into action, grabbing his hand and pulling him after her. He digs in his heels.  
  
"What are you doing?" she screams. "We have to get inside."  
  
"Time's up. I told you I'd been waiting a long time." He shrugs free of her grip. When she grabs for him again, he dodges. "Way it has to be."  
  
"No!" She can't breathe. She has to get him out, cover him somehow.   
  
The sun bursts over the horizon. Suddenly it's high in the sky, burning over their heads at the noon position.   
  
Spike is disentegrating right in front of her. "Spike..." She can't stop it.  
  
"Spike...listen to me...you can't...I love you!"  
  
For a second, he is still. Then he grins. "Now we both know that's not true." And he dissolves into dust.  
  
****   
  
Just before sunup, I roll into the hotel. Place is mostly deserted now, but it's been home to me. The poof lets me stay here, keeps me out of his overly gelled hair.  
  
I've been gone for days, off trolling for information, but the second I stroll into the lobby, I know someone else is here. A familiar scent catches me by surprise. Almost brings me to my knees.   
  
But where? How? Poof told me he had no idea where she was; she disappeared into Europe somewhere. And even though I've meant to go, meant to find her from the second I got woke up back on Earth, I haven't. Something's held me back. Always a new big bad to face, or a new injury to nurse. Some excuse that means I don't have to go and face her, knowing that she doesn't love me. She said she did. But I know it can't be true. Buffy love Spike? She said it herself, she could never love me. Even when I went to get my soul, I knew it wouldn't be enough. I wouldn't have been enough for her before I became Spike, before I lost my soul. How can I be now, with the things I've done staining every square inch of that soul, with...  
  
"Spike."  
  
I turn around.  
  
She is standing on the landing, only a few steps away.  
  
I say the only thing I can think. "Buffy."  
  
She is back. And I look into her eyes, and once again, I am lost. 


End file.
